Resources

Resource Topics Include Information On: Illness, Diet, Exercise, Sleep, Loneliness, Work

Illness

This is one of many resources I will share to help on your journey to feel better.

This is an excerpt of writing that originates in my personal life and professional counseling experience. Several therapists and physicians tell me it is an extremely helpful summary of how to learn to live well with a physical and/or emotional illness. I hope this brief outline of this framework brings comfort to you.

‘When a child I thought I knew everything. As a young person I learned that was not possible. As an adult I knew I didn’t truly know much about anything. Ignorance requires learning to seek out help from others.’

Perspective

We are here because you and or someone you love received a life changing medical  experience.  Our conversation will provide a brief description of a way to understand how to live well with illness.

Each path we select to travel in our life is influenced by the ones we’ve already chosen to take and those yet to come.  Feeling well is the same.  Here is a way to think about feeling better as a series of steps.  In the beginning of any journey no-one knows what to expect. The path we travel is always different than what we first imagine.  Here is a framework to understand your experience.

Concentrate on only one step from the following list that best describes how you feel now.  Yet, occasionally consider journeys already taken and what is yet to travel. For those of us with life changing illness,  this is a description of of how to live well physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

There are several obstacles, many of which are born from our fears, that block the ability to feel better. This is a way to get past them. 

Overwhelmed by suffering from illness, makes us desperate to feel better. Here is a path that can work. It is based on principles used successfully in therapy sessions to improve the way people feel. It depends upon changing the way in which we are Thinking, Communicating, Acting. Change thoughts and we speak differently. When how we speak changes, so does the way we act. This can work in the opposite direction too. When behavior changes so does what we say and how we think. Following this approach is reliable way to discover your unique path to feeling better.

This is a description of the principles found in several talk therapies, including cognitive therapy.  At first, we are going to talk about changing our thinking, communicating, and behavior in order to feel better.

Learn

Not having a way to know something is a lonely place to live.  There is only one way to learn how to speak your illness.  We need others to teach us.  Too often this is the last thing anyone wants to do when feeling unwell.  Sadly,  people we’ve come to rely on in the past, friends, family, ministers can’t help much at first.  Locate people with experience  suffering from your infirmity.  They can teach you what to say.  Listen.

You can use social media or the internet to find established organizations to meet people.  At times, this is a helpful resource to learn about this illness. Yet it is limited by the information found online.  Take care to not to rely too much on what is found here. Our journey requires getting to know other people well, and they us. Face to face connections work best.

Contact the non profit organizations that advocate for those with your illness. They will direct you to education and support groups that are best. This process is at times emotionally upsetting.  When first meeting another person who is ill it is a bit of a jolt.  Remember no one, or if you are spiritually inclined, literally only God knows for sure the course of any illness.

Practice using your new found language with these people.  Make time each day to learn this new information.

Collect

It is said that the ability to ask questions is over half the way to an answer.  The problem is, when we are first diagnosed, there are lots of questions that need answer at the same time.  Remember that person in school that kept asking questions.  Doing this will teach what is important to learn about your illness. Act like that person!  

Discover your own ways of learning to live with your illness. Watch how the new people you meet with the same illness keep track of important information. Figure out the best ways to remember what you are learning. For some it’s write it down, or keep notes on a phone. 

The thoughts you gather on how to live well with your illness serve as the seeds to plant for future growth. Never stop collecting new ideas! 

Use 

Apply all the new information you gather to live. Sow the seeds collected for future growth now. It takes time before they blossom into beautiful flowers.

Personally, it took several months before growth was noticed. 

Embrace failure. Not everything that is planted should bear fruit. Especially at first,  it  feels as though we can’t do many things right. Some ideas will not show improvement. Until you find ideas that work, stick with it. From this experience,  learn what helps you feel better and what doesn’t.

Ideas that don’t grow are an unwelcome plant,  a weed. Learning the reason an activity to improve health does not work is an important kernel of knowledge. From these seeds that fail to take root grows the wisdom we need to know what is best for our health blossoms.

Rely on new friends with your illness that speak the language of your illness.  They help, when you feel frustrated by the speed of recovery. 

Relearn

Doing this can make us feel uncomfortable.  After a short time, it’s easy to think we know more about our illness than we do.  Similar to the first year after obtaining a license to drive a car there are lots of accidents. If we crash we don’t stop driving. Rely on instructions from others with your illness to show new ways to go.

All too often meals we make do not taste as intended.  Out of frustration, it’s easy to give up trying to cook that dish. Don’t quit cooking!  It is the process of adding new ingredients that make for fun and exciting meals.  Find out what’s not working to help you feel better. This is the best way to learn to live with illness.

This experience is humbling. Relearn what you thought you knew about your illness.   By now, you have close personal relationships with those living with your illness.  Rely on their advice to help find new ways to grow.

Live

When first diagnosed, it feels that sickness defines you.

You are so much more than illness. 

Live as a person who just happens to have a disease.

You are strong, beautiful and starting to feel well.

Our life is much larger than sickness. Live it with fun and joy.  Together,  we are going to  talk about ways to share our selves. 

We want to feel well right away. Yet, it takes time.  It may seem odd, but slowing down shortens the time it takes to learn to live with illness.  How long it requires to feel well is different for each us. Personally, it took about a year to learn each these stages of this journey. Regularly revisit each of these steps. Living life at a slower pace leads to a better understanding of the advice from new friends with illness. Little by little this leads to new interests, friends,  loves, and happiness.

In time others will turn to you for comfort.  With gratitude share with them what you learn.

It is not until the conclusion of a trip that we can understand all the experiences along the way to feel well.  Learn, Collect, Use, Relearn, and Live are not entirely separate states in the process of feeling better.  Each of these stages to wellness involve learning a series of more personally challenging activities than the previous.  Usually, on any given day, a single one of these steps towards health best represents how we are feeling. Yet, you can find yourself working on more than one at a time.  When this happens, in order to feel better quickest, try first focussing on the least difficult of the steps you are  currently learning.

While we talk, keep in mind the state of understanding about your illness that best represents you at any given time. Our future conversations depend on recognizing which stage best describes you at that time.  

Revisit this part of our discussion as you progress through different steps to feel well.

At times, expect to find yourself thinking it is too difficult to learn to feel well. Together, in therapy let us knock down the roadblocks put in the way. We start by confronting obstacles of our own design.